Attila the hun

Name: Attila the hun
Brand: Attila the hun
SKU: 20260510060143
Rating: 3.4 (815 reviews)

By James 2026-05-10 06:01:43

3(3650 votes)

Attila the hun. Once they'd killed everyone they could find and stolen anything that wasn't bolted to the floor by six-inch nails, steel rivets and two tons of sold concrete, they turned their attention East towards the Byzantine capital of Constantinople. The city was surrounded, the Eastern Roman Army was shattered, and the Byzantines were pretty much royally fucked. The Huns didn't really have the technology or the manpower to capture the heavily fortified city, so instead Atilla went up and down the countryside searching for any Byzantine Army units that hadn't already been annihilated by his badass wildmen.

Eventually, the Emperor in Constantinople surrendered, paid The Scourge of God 6,000 pounds of gold in small, unmarked, non-consecutive bills and agreed to triple the Don't Kick My Ass Tax. For Attila, this was all he needed to hear. He wasn't interested in owning huge expanses of territory, governing citizens, passing laws or doing any of that other City Hall bureaucracy bullshit paperwork - as long as his enemies were willing to pay him a shitload of gold not to kick their fucking asses, he was more than happy with the knowledge that he had made them all his bitches.

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